Dear Amy: This past winter, I upgraded my living situation by moving in with some friends. We live in a multi-family house in a small city.
Our neighbor, “Jackie,” lives on the first floor in her own apartment. We live on the second and third floor.
Jackie is in her 70s, while the three of us are women in our mid-20s.
Jackie has a drinking problem and, we believe, either former or current issues abusing other substances.
A few months ago, she started “redoing” her apartment and has taken up spray painting. She is spray painting everything — decor, shoes, cabinets, and even her car.
The smell moves through the whole house.
We’ve asked her to stop multiple times, and the landlord has called her about it. She finally has listened, and now she does it outside.
However, on a recent rainy weekend, we smelled it again inside the house. We called the landlord instead of complaining to her first.He called her, and then she stormed up the stairs and yelled at us about “always complaining,” and the fact that she never complains about us.
This has been an ongoing conflict.
I just moved into this apartment, and I really love the house, my roommates, and the area where we live.
Evicting someone is hard in our state, but our landlord is taking steps. I’m nervous for her mental health.
Any advice?
Fume Inhaler
Dear Inhaler: I think it’s wisest to avoid contact with this neighbor as much as possible and continue to stay in touch with the landlord regarding efforts to evict her. She is creating a substantial fire and safety risk for everyone in the building.
I speculate that she might be deliberately “huffing” these spray paint fumes.
According to information about inhalant abuse published by americanaddictioncenters.org, “Spray paint and other paints are commonly used in huffing. Some of the toxic chemicals in paint provide an intense high that can be easily obtained by those who are otherwise unable to afford or get access to other drugs. However, huffing paint and other forms of inhalant abuse are extremely dangerous, causing multiple severe injuries and deaths every year.”
Obviously, this habit of spray painting everything is dangerous for her, hazardous to you, and extremely destructive to the property where you all live.
Dear Amy: My parents divorced when I was in college.
While the divorce itself was not too messy, the subsequent second marriages by both of my parents, have been messy.
Both of my stepparents treat my parents poorly and not only make their lives very difficult, they make things complicated for me to navigate when thinking about how to visit with my children, celebrate holidays, etc.
The fact that both couples remain married after many years continues to baffles me, but I have accepted that these are the choices of my parents and my opinion does not matter.
My question is about recognizing their wedding anniversaries every year.
Both of my parents send my husband and me a nice card every year on our wedding anniversary.
I just can’t bring myself to send a card to each of my parents and their unpleasant spouses celebrating another year of these toxic marriages.
Neither of my parents have ever mentioned it, but every year I feel this nagging fear that they may be harboring a secret resentment over my lack of acknowledgment.
Their weddings were not a happy day for me, and even now, years later, these marriages bring me nothing but stress, messiness, and sometimes even anger. Am I wrong not to send a card?
Please tell me that it’s OK for me to ignore these two dates on the extended-family calendar.
Reassurance Needed
Dear Reassurance: Reassurance granted.
However, your continuing and nagging angst over this relatively minor matter is a sign that you should probably make the gesture you’ve been avoiding.
One way to split the difference would be to send a card to each couple, thanking them for their thoughtfulness regarding your own anniversary, and wishing them health and happiness.
Dear Amy: “High and Dry,” a non-drinker, didn’t want to foot the alcohol bill for his former in-laws at his daughter’s quinceañera celebration.
I went to a wedding once that, upon arriving to the reception, all the guests were given two drink tickets. Then if anyone wanted more, they had to purchase the drinks themselves.
An Idea
Dear An Idea: This is a good way to keep the cost — and consumption — down.
You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.
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